Our feelings aren't fixed. They come and go.

Our feelings aren't fixed. They come and go. It's what we do with them that matters. This is a lesson I teach to many children I work with, helping them to understand that no feeling is forever. No matter how hard it feels, how difficult and overwhelming it may be. It isn't forever and it will pass.

All feelings are ok and it's normal to feel a whole range of them too. From the good to the uncomfortable and to the absolutely awful and all consuming feelings. Children need to know that it's ok to feel them all. No feeling is off bounds. Many children see some feelings as being 'bad' and ones that they shouldn't be feeling or expressing. They often think they're the only ones who feel them and so they feel guilty or embarrassed. Trying to hide feelings and juggle guilt and embarrassment alongside them is difficult to do. And also unnecessary. I always tell every child I work with that every feeling is ok, and that even adults, who they often see as perfect, will experience those same feelings at times too.

So if all feelings are ok, and the aim of my sessions isn't to squash some of them and teach children to not feel or express them, then what is the aim? I aim to help every child I support to realise that feelings are normal, and it's just what we do with them that matters.

It's ok to feel angry. It's ok to feel distraught. It's ok to feel sad. But it's important to make safe choices when responding to those feelings. Anger is ok, violence isn't. Sadness is ok, screaming at loved ones isn't. Fear is ok, breaking property isn't.

I help children to see the difference between their feelings and their actions. And to develop positive coping skills and safe, helpful reactions to normal feelings. In the moment of fear, sadness or anger, children aren't able to problem solve. Their thinking brain is offline. What they need are safe strategies to consistently use and to confidently turn to without even having to think. They need structure and a clear plan so that when they are overwhelmed with emotions, they don't need to think of strategies or approaches.

It doesn't come easy at first, and initially children need support to co-regulate before they can do it all themselves. But in time, and through testing them out, they learn that their planned strategies work and do help them. And they learn that they can manage big feelings. And that builds their confidence and resilience.