Make time for mummy!

Taking care of yourself as well as your children...

When I became a mum, I knew it would be exhausting and incredibly challenging. From the moment I met my twins I was absolutely in love and amazed that I had brought these two perfect little babies into the world. But now I realise that nothing prepares you for the mental and emotional toll that parenting takes on you. When the realisation hits that you are responsible for keeping a little human being alive, it’s actually terrifying! The anxiety, overwhelm and stress are immense, and you don’t receive any training like you would in other job. Nobody tells you how to feed a baby or change a nappy. Nobody tells you that reflux even exists! Nobody tells you that your hair will probably fall out and your back will take months if not years to adjust to the change in posture after carrying that baby bump! You don’t have a manager to guide you through tough times and to ask for advice or guidance. And you certainly don’t get a lunch break or paid holiday! You’re lucky if you even get to drink a hot cup of coffee or go to the toilet in peace. Parenting is a crazy mix of scary challenges, anxiety driven moments and physical and mental exhaustion with a whole load of amazement, satisfaction, love and reward thrown in! But sometimes it’s hard to see beyond the tough times and appreciate the positives. When you are exhausted from sleepless nights, or you’re spending another day indoors because that’s easier than facing the outside world, or you feel guilty juggling a heavy workload and your children, or your frustration levels have peaked after a day of immense toddlers tantrums, or you feel like a failure as you constantly compare yourself to other mums who you of course feel are doing a better job than you, or you have a sick child and nothing will soothe them or stop their tears…. those times are hard and in those moments it’s difficult to see a way out.

In any other job, you could take time off if you were stressed and had reached breaking point. Because how can you possibly do your best if you are mentally and emotionally struggling? How can you possibly do a good job at anything if you have nothing left to give? But being a mum is a job that you can’t quit, nor can you take sick leave. So, how can you ensure that you can consistently do a good job? What can you do to help yourself?

Take care of yourself. And put your needs first.

As a mum it often feels selfish and indulgent to take time for yourself, but it’s not. It’s actually crucial. Someone once said that ‘a mum sets the mood for the day’, and to some extent I think that’s true. When you feel good you have more patience, you respond more positively to your children which naturally impacts on their behaviour. Overall, the day is better. However, when you feel exhausted, overstimulated, and stressed, your children notice. Their behaviour will worsen which in turn will drive you wild, and a horrible negative cycle is created which nobody wants to be in. So, I believe in an ‘inside out approach’… you need to first get yourself in the best place emotionally, mentally, and physically so that you can then confidently manage mum life and create a happy home environment for everyone. Here are some tips for what you can do:

·        Do something you enjoy every day: even if it is only for five minutes, it will make a huge difference to your day.

·        Reflect on three things you did well each day: praise yourself just like you would your children. Often us mums are so hard on ourselves, so try to treat yourself kindly and with respect.

·        Exercise regularly: it really does boost your mind and body in many ways!

·        Fuel your body: don’t skip meals, make sure you eat and healthy and balanced diet as you really do need it.

·        Create a positive sleep routine: have a set bedtime, wind down beforehand, limit screen time and try reading or listening to meditations before falling asleep.

·        Ask for help and accept it when needed: it never means that you are failing! It is so important to create an army around you and to actually make use of those who can offer support.

·        Slow down and rest: I always thought I needed to be busy to productive, but really that’s not true. Your mind and body need time to recharge so give them what they need. 

·        Journal: offload your thoughts and feelings daily as it’s such a powerful way to help you to relax, reflect and park those difficult emotions.

·        Don’t overcommit or do things that you aren’t comfortable with: it is ok to say no and no is a complete sentence!